I'm baaaaaaack!

2009? Already?

Well, second day in of 2009 and i feel like crap.
But i'm not going let that stop me. I have work tonight though and i don't feel like dealing with customers that ask things such as "how's your new year so far?" or "What are your resolutions?" Although, It's only a four hour shift and i get my check tonight so it's worth putting up with people for a few hours.

This year, all hell is going to break loose cause i'm not going to be the person i was. I don't care that i don't have a boyfriend. I'm not going to be afraid of anything anymore. I'm just going to simply live life without any regrets and without anything or anyone holding me back. I'm letting go of the past and all the baggage it had with it. Like my brother would say "fuhgettaboutit". And for once, i'm going to listen.

Nothing is going to hold me back. I'm going to make plans and i'm going to keep them. I'm going to finally live my life. My niece, Lisa, once said to me "i'm, so proud of you for graduating high school. you're a beautiful young woman now and you have the world at your hands. go places. see stuff. smile a lot. don't let anything hold you back. i let people and circumstances hold me back for too long, but now i'm grabbing life with my own two hands and i honeslty couldn't be happier."

This made me cry. And whether she knows it or not, for the longest time she has been a role model for me. I looked up to her (which makes sense since she's older than me, hah) and i've always wished that i could be somewhat like her. She has a free spirit, she's brave, she has a loveable personality and she doesn't let anything or anyone stop her. She now lives in Hawaii and she seems to be enjoying every second of her life. I just wish i wasn't the complete opposite of her. I want to be able to get out of this shell and explore and love my life. Not be stuck working at redner's and going to community school. That's not the life i want. I want to make a few major changes this year. I want to restart my life and live it the way i want to but i just don't know where to start. I know at the beginning i said i'm not going to be the same person i was and i'm not going to let fear hold me back anymore but that's a lie. I probably won't change at all. Because how can i change not only myself but my life into the way i want it to be if i don't know where to start?

I'm probably not going to write in here for a longggggg time. i think i'm going to make another one though, but it's only going to be of my writing. like stories, poems or whatever i write. i think it would be more interesting then this. seriously.

I WANT TO GO TO BOSTON.



i don't know why but i've been having that feeling you get when you want to experience something new for a while. I need a break from this town and these faces. I need something new and something i haven't seen before. I need to experience a different town with different faces.

I’m starting to crave new beginnings

brighter memories, and

happy endings...









I crave change.

I always push people away. Because if i let myself get attached to them then i will only get my hopes up and i'll eventually get hurt. That's how it goes usually. But what happens when the person you tried to push away wouldn't freaking go anywhere?

Marry me Juliet, You'll never have to be alone...

I wish i could change myself. Have a different personality. Because who i am is not who i want to be. I don't want to be afraid to be in a relationship. I don't want to be afraid of taking chances. I'm sick of being afraid of everything. I feel like I'm in a freaking bubble and it just doesn't pop. I hate when i have those really high points once every other month and i feel like i can do everything and anything. I feel really infinite at that moment but then it goes away for awhile. I hate it so much. I feel like I'm a really weird person and I'm hiding from who i really am. I guess i can never be happy? I feel alone like no one could possibly understand my thoughts or feelings. I mean who could blame ya? I'm a very peculiar person.


once again this wasn't worth your time.

the phillies won.
i think that cole hamels is pretty cute :)
too bad he's married though, ugh.


work was good tonight. a few people made my day :)
i got my paycheck and i'm actually content with working there now.

i'm currently confused and don't know what to do.

now i'm gonna go and eat my dinner.

peace.