I'm baaaaaaack!

2009? Already?

Well, second day in of 2009 and i feel like crap.
But i'm not going let that stop me. I have work tonight though and i don't feel like dealing with customers that ask things such as "how's your new year so far?" or "What are your resolutions?" Although, It's only a four hour shift and i get my check tonight so it's worth putting up with people for a few hours.

This year, all hell is going to break loose cause i'm not going to be the person i was. I don't care that i don't have a boyfriend. I'm not going to be afraid of anything anymore. I'm just going to simply live life without any regrets and without anything or anyone holding me back. I'm letting go of the past and all the baggage it had with it. Like my brother would say "fuhgettaboutit". And for once, i'm going to listen.

Nothing is going to hold me back. I'm going to make plans and i'm going to keep them. I'm going to finally live my life. My niece, Lisa, once said to me "i'm, so proud of you for graduating high school. you're a beautiful young woman now and you have the world at your hands. go places. see stuff. smile a lot. don't let anything hold you back. i let people and circumstances hold me back for too long, but now i'm grabbing life with my own two hands and i honeslty couldn't be happier."

This made me cry. And whether she knows it or not, for the longest time she has been a role model for me. I looked up to her (which makes sense since she's older than me, hah) and i've always wished that i could be somewhat like her. She has a free spirit, she's brave, she has a loveable personality and she doesn't let anything or anyone stop her. She now lives in Hawaii and she seems to be enjoying every second of her life. I just wish i wasn't the complete opposite of her. I want to be able to get out of this shell and explore and love my life. Not be stuck working at redner's and going to community school. That's not the life i want. I want to make a few major changes this year. I want to restart my life and live it the way i want to but i just don't know where to start. I know at the beginning i said i'm not going to be the same person i was and i'm not going to let fear hold me back anymore but that's a lie. I probably won't change at all. Because how can i change not only myself but my life into the way i want it to be if i don't know where to start?